Our Hearts

Our beloved Siberian Huskies add so much happiness to our lives.

I have never been a dog person, and usually prefers cats (I have an awesome cat back in Singapore), but since researching this breed and now owning two, I have not come across a more expressive, creative and interactive breed :)

Sure, they are more than a handful, and we have seen our fair share of disgusted, judgmental looks when they act like, well, huskies... But as all husky owners will tell you, these dogs are real babies at heart and want nothing more than to smell you, lick you, and play with you.

I have become a crazy dog lady

Luna giving the "you jelly?" look to Logan

These dogs love nothing more than to lie around all day like cats

Praying Together

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I was inspired to post this after reading The Power of Prayer.

It has been almost a year since Mr Bauer and I committed to praying together.  The road has not always been smooth but here are some reflections.  I hope it can encourage your in your own prayer journey, with or without a partner.

1) We started off by praying together during our daily quiet time.  I'll admit, it was very awkward for me at first, having never dated a Jesus-loving guy before this.  I felt terribly exposed and was worried about being judged for my prayer.  It was however, quite easy to be disciplined with our quiet time because we were both in different countries at that time and had committed to regular Skype sessions where we discussed the devotion material.  We used Moments Together and occasionally James Dobson. Both can be found on Crosswalk.

I feel that this season in our courtship was essential in helping us to recognize and embrace each other as God's choice for us.  I remember leaving each Skype chat in awe that this amazing guy I previously only dreamed about was actually real, that I could share my most intimate lover, Jesus, with him and not feel condemned, neglected, or preachy.  I squealed to Jesus several times about it :)

2) When we eventually found ourselves in the same country, we started to include mealtime prayers.  This was a lot harder to keep as neither one of us had previously been in the habit of saying grace aside from hurried and mumbled thank-yous. We forgot about this countless times and even gave up on it for a while. Sometimes, I would remember, but would be too self-conscious to remind him.  This was probably because I did not want to appear like an over zealous nag, and also because I was not personally convicted of praying over our food.  Through encouragement from scripture and our quiet time material, saying grace comes to us naturally these days and we rush to remind each other to ask God to bless our food, while lifting up any other concerns we have.  It is a good way to count our blessings and feel content.

3) Before, praying together was very much dependent on how we were as a couple.  If we were in love, it was so easy to pray, but whenever we were upset or hurt, it seemed like the most impossible task.  I'm so thankful to my partner for being steadfast towards prayer and leading us to pray even though we may be in the midst of a most terrible fight.  I can't imagine how difficult it must be for him, but we both testify to God's amazing grace that dissolves anger and resentment when we bow our heads in prayer together.

4) It has become much easier to pray.  We pray over anything.  When either one of us complain of a headache or a worry, we respond less with human words, and more with uplifting prayer.  Having a partner pray for me is the most comforting and intimate experience to me because I immediately look to Jesus and not to my partner for strength, answers and joy.

5) Before meeting Mr Bauer, my prayer walk was not great.  Praying together helps me to keep a better prayer life and gives me greater confidence in our relationship.  It increases my attraction for my partner and reminds me to pursue gentleness and purity.  

Praying together may be the single most important thing we have done as a couple and I am so grateful that I have someone to pray with every day.  I trust and believe that this simple act will transform our marriage to be more loving, forgiving, and victorious.  Try it and see if it works :)

God is So So Good

This is the story of how God provided a home for us.  It is a long and probably boring story, but I hope it will give you some insight into looking for a place in Perth

Since the last entry, it has been a journey of faith and prayer second guessing and desperate begging for God to help us!!

For the last three months, we had been spending every weekend going to Home Opens and every weekday searching for listed houses we might like. We had a budget that restricted us to certain parts of Perth and did not even bother looking at prime areas as that would just be much too expensive. 

Well, to be honest, I  didn't like any of the locations we had been searching around because I just found them much too ulu (deserted) for me.  Of course, this was only because I've only been here for  five months and am only familiar with areas around my university, my rented place, church, and town.  Any other part of Perth just seemed very foreign.  The two houses we put down offers on were also not in the ideal locations, to me, because it would take me ages to get to uni or town, but we thought that was all we could afford.

Thankfully (now), those offers got flatly rejected by the sellers.  Of course, when it happened then, we had to lick some small wounds and wonder if we should have increased our offer or go with what we believed was the value of the houses.  There was really a lot of self doubt and each time we made a decision, we had nothing really to go on except that we had committed this search to God and that He was smarter than us.

Neither of us had much experience in real estate, with me being a total foreigner, and Mr Bauer being practically a tourist himself, and while we did try our best to do some proper research googling, we could never be very sure if we knew what we were doing.  

Anyway, as mentioned in my previous post, we were on route to yet another disappointing Home Open (It was probably the worst one! They posted 2 bathrooms, but one of them was located OUTSIDE the house!!! ??!!) when we spotted a tiny sign showing a Home Open in the prestigious and sought after Murdoch Chase area.  We decided to just take a look for fun because we definitely could not afford something here.  It was very spacious, with large bedrooms and a huge back yard.  The only problem was that it was not furnished, but that was perfect for me because I would love to be able to design the interior myself!  (Mr Bauer would disagree, because he likes to be able to just move in.)  When Doug, the agent selling the house passed us the price guide, we were like meh.  It was completely out of our price range, as expected.  In fact, when Mr Bauer told him what we were prepared to pay, he almost had to scoff before telling us that that would probably not be considered by the owners.  Yes, house hunting in Perth is a very humbling experience.

I don't know what exactly happened in the next day, but somehow this much-too-expensive house was still on our minds and Mr Bauer, specifically, couldn't stop talking about it.  My practical side came out at this point and I just one-ear-in, one-ear-out to pacify him, but apparently, he had done some research on this area after seeing the house and told me excitedly that it was actually a VERY GOOD BUY in terms of value for money, location, investment etc. etc. and some other financial stuff that was too boring for me to remember. 

Anyway, the next day, we came up with a figure to offer.  It was about $50,000 less than what the owners expected, but that was really all we could afford.  The agent accepted our offer and told us that he will let us know what the owner thought.  We waited in agony for the next 48 hours before receiving a call from Doug, who annoyingly could not tell us over the phone but needed us to come down to his office the next day.  

We kept praying for God's will to be done.

The next day, while in the car, just before going to see Doug, we decided that if the owners counter-offered with an increase in $5000, we would be VERY HAPPY (jumping for joy type), if they increased by $10,000 we would not be jumping for joy, but we would still accept it.  And with heavy hearts, we promised each other that if it went any higher, we would both accept that it was not the house God wants for us and go back to hunting.

To our wonderful joy, Doug told us that the owners would like just $5000 more.  My jaw literally dropped.  I had to pull the offer papers towards us to make sure he was right.  Mr Bauer almost could not keep his poker face and flashed me a tiny smile.  

Being two people who were crazy in love, we thought that that was the end of it and the house would be ours once we got our finance approval sorted.  Having gone to many Home Opens and left our contact details in several places, we got approached by a Mortgage Broker who wanted to help us to find the best loan rates for the house.  We were probably too overjoyed that we naively and lazily went ahead with him without doing more research.  He presented us with the latest bank rates and told us that NAB was the lowest and that we should go with NAB.  He was also super confident that we would get the loan based on our stats and kept buttering us up saying the "banks would jump at us".    We really thought everything was alright and we would have no problems getting the requested loan amount approved.  He really made us believe that we did not have a thing to worry about.

FOUR days later, we got a call from this broker telling us the horrible news that NAB had rejected our loan application because of some inflexibility they had regarding documents needed.  We were obviously upset and thought that it was now over for us, that no bank would want us because we simply could not provide the required document.  My six sense only kicked in when the broker sent us a text saying "nothing can be done.  there is no other option.  so what are you going to do?"  I was quite taken aback by that text.  What do you mean "what are we going to do?"  Isn't it his job to give us more options?  Even if the major banks wouldn't lend us (yet to be proven at that point), surely you can find independent lenders or give us some other options???

I told Mr Bauer to screw him and we decided to look for our own lender.  But we didn't have much time.  According to Perth ruling, buyers only had about a couple of weeks to get finance approval before the house would be put up for offer again and it takes time to redo all the paper work, and wait for approval.  And that stupid agent had already wasted some of that time.  The next couple of days we were just emailing lenders and trolling forums to try and get some direction.  On top of this, both of us had final assignments to hand in!  It was quite a stressful time, but thank God, Mr Bauer managed to get a contact from Westpac who was willing to help us.

Not only did he give us a solution to our missing document problem, he revealed that Westpac's rates were MUCH lower than the NAB one that idiot broker offered!  He even threw in the Black Altitude Credit Card with 40,000 bonus points that could be used as Frequent Flyer miles!!!  When we were searching for a credit card, we could not even consider the Black because it was just way too expensive and we thought we did not meet the criteria.  Needless to say, we were very thankful and could only hope that Westpac would approve our loan in time for the offer and acceptance period.  

And...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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Just seven hours ago, we got a call from Westpac informing us that 

Hurray!! Our loan has been approved!!!  

 

Leaving things with God has helped us to get things we originally thought were impossible for our current position - a home in a fantastic location (It is a walk to Murdoch University!!!), a low low interest rate on the loan and a great credit card that can save us travel money!  We are absolutely thankful for his tender mercies to us, even though we had doubt in our hearts.  Indeed, Jesus is our Great High Priest who perfects our imperfect prayers to God the Father.  All we had to do was pray!

The Day Before Tomorrow

Last Saturday, we found the perfect future home for us.

It was a chance encounter.  We had just come from a disappointing Home Open, and were driving to the next one we had on our schedules when we saw this beautiful house that was having a Home Open just then.

It was way out of our intended budget, but was actually quite reasonable for what it offered in terms of land, location and potential returns. So... we put down an offer for it!!!!!

Tomorrow, we will finally know if it will be our future home. 

What is a Marriage Proposal?

Diamond rings, red roses, bended knees and sweet champagne.  That is the image of marriage proposals I have been surrounded with, growing up in Singapore.

Being in my late 20s, I have shared the joy of several marriage proposals from my friends, and have experienced two failed proposals myself.  One of them took place in the unbelievably romantic setting of the deck of a cruise liner, under the night sky.  The other took place on a bridge along Kallang where I was asked to "invest in a property together".  Haha.  What seemed so overwhelming and emotional then, now seems like a joke I chuckle at sometimes.

Some people believe the most important part of a marriage proposal is the element of surprise.  I think both of my previous suitors may have taken that too far, because on both occasions, I was so surprised that I vehemently, and quite violently, declined.  When I hear stories of my friends' proposals, they were certainly surprised; however, not by the intention of marriage, but by the proposal scene created lovingly by their boyfriends.  That is sweet, I think!

As for Mr Bauer, he has brought up the subject of marriage so many times that I've lost count.  The moment I agreed to try out a relationship with him, he wanted to confirm that I was ready for marriage.  After a week of being together, he asked me what I wanted in a husband.  Within a month of our long distance relationship, he asked me if I would consider marrying him, and this continued on for the next five months, with me always cheekily replying - you check with my parents first, then ask me!

To my surprise, that was just what he did, flying into Singapore for 12 days to spend time with my family and friends, and then asking my parents for my hand.  That was very sweet!

I really appreciate Mr Bauer for taking away the element of uncertainty and insecurity that can come with new relationships.  He made it clear right from the start what his intentions were, so that I could sit back, relax, and observe if he was indeed the one for me.  To me, that is the best kind of marriage proposal.  Of course, I am still waiting for my surprise proposal, which he promises will not be forgotten, but only because I want to have a good story to tell our child(ren) next time, not because I need it to believe his intentions.

My Sugoi na Valentine's!

This weekend is supposed to be the Chinese New Year weekend, but since neither Mr Bauer nor I have any plans, we decided to make it our Valentine's Day weekend instead!

I'm excited to post about our amazing date because I only just realised the effort he had put into making it a fantastic day just for me.  I'd mentioned some time ago that all I wanted this v-day was heart-shaped chocolates - cheesy and sweet.  I was really past the overtly romantic, expensive dinners and overpriced flowers, along with raised expectations and tensed conversations that came with most of the valentine's I had experienced before meeting Mr Bauer.   And really, I meant it.

We both adore Japanese cuisine, so he brought me to the newly opened Is Donburi in Northbridge, which has a whopping 90% on Urban Spoon!  The food was really delicious and as usual, we over ordered.  The salmon platter was filled with fresh salmon, seared salmon with melted cheese and my favourite salmon roe.  The prawn avocado roll was bursting with flavours from the fresh onions and refreshing marinade.  The karage, his favourite, was super crispy and juicy, and the beef tataki was delicate and tangy.  They even provided us with special valentine crockery at Mr Bauer's request as we were almost a week early! Sweet!

After that delicious meal (we had to da-pao some home as we were truly stuffed), Mr Bauer led me to a nearby florist and had me pick out a pot of Japanese Geisha Girl.  What a thoughtful gesture!  I love the how the petals look like they have been hand painted with a splash of purple paint.

 Sadly, we were too full for some San Churos hot chocolate, and settled in a nearby park to watch old Chinese movies instead.  Beanbags were provided and it was nice to snuggle up and laugh at the silly wayang antics onscreen.

When we got back, Mr Bauer gave me yet another Japanese surprise!  He remembered my request for heart-shaped chocolates this V-day and had specially flown in a yet-to-be-released edition of my favourite Royce Napa Chocolate!!!  It's not even available in Japan yet.  Of course, he had to carve a heart into it.  He is not very good at art, but this is the most perfect heart I've seen :)

Can you believe it was only then that I realised the obvious Japanese theme valentine's he had planned for us?  I was always going on about how much I miss Tokyo from my flying days and how much I would love to visit Japan with him some day.  He promises we will!

Wise Wives by Jill Campbell Farris

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7

A wise woman studies her husband to make sure she understands him. She invests time and thought into developing discernment and discretion. She learns what discourages him, what angers him, what gives him joy. She prays that God would help her view his weaknesses with compassion and understanding.

”Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” Proverbs 19:11

Men react differently than women do when they are depressed or afraid. Even a “mature’ man will act out of character when he is deeply distressed. A wise wife, who is slow to take offense, will be more of a help to her husband when he needs her.

A smart woman makes sure that her husband is well fed before she brings up any important topic of conversation. Yes, this sounds old fashioned doesn’t it? How I wish that a wise woman had taught me this when I was first married! To even suggest that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach was considered demeaning to the woman (“How dare anyone expect me to cook just so he can feel a little better!”). The same response came when someone suggested that a woman should avoid controversial subjects when she was feeling hormonal (”How dare anyone suggest that women act differently during certain times of the month!”).

Oh, if only I had taken into account age old wisdom, we could have avoided many arguments and disagreements! So be a wise woman. Study your man and know yourself.

It may mean that you have to reorganize your day so that you are rested when he walks in the door. It may mean learning how to cook even though cooking (and clean up) is work. The world is full of many undernourished men with wives who can’t be bothered with cooking. Good food is crucial to a well lived life and a happy family. Protect the health and happiness of your husband and family and learn basic, simple delicious cooking.

If your husband is an introvert, allow him some “alone” time to rejuvenate before you unleash the children on him! If he suffers from low blood sugar, greet him with a plate of cheese and crackers and fresh grapes. If he is an extrovert who loves the company of people, put down your book (or other quiet pursuit;) and invite people over for a meal. If he is a worrier, pray for him and tell him that you believe in Him and you know that God is in control.

May you be a “crown” to your husband.  http://jillcampbellfarris.com/

Why Combine Facebooks?

Sharing a Facebook account with my partner happened shortly after we decided to commit our lives to each other.  It came up one day when I casually asked what he thought of my frequent Facebook updates and contact with my Facebook friends.  He is not much of a Facebooker at all, and almost never posts, and so he responded that it did feel like I had my own world that he was not a part of.  We both entered the relationship with belief and hope in the biblical definition of marriage to cleave and become one flesh, but I have to say, he came more ready, and with a more mature understanding of what this really means than me.  

After thinking about it, and doing some research, I returned and asked him what he thought of us sharing a new account together.  He was all aboard with the idea and I went off and thought some more about it.  Admittedly, my individual Facebook account was more "precious" to me than his was to him.  I was averaging more than 20 likes per post (wow!! I'm childish, yes, I know) and I used it to promote my emceeing services in Singapore and keep in touch with new acquaintances professionally.  But the more I thought about what he said, and about what I wanted in a marriage, the more I realised that it was petty selfishness that was keeping me cleaved to my account.  I asked myself several questions like, what would my family and friends think?  Would they assume I'd lost my own identity?  Would I lose new friends?  But then, really, if I'd chosen to marry this man, what kind of individual identity was I hoping to keep?  And the reality regarding the so-called new friends I have is that the superficial relationship we share online is simply nothing compared to the consistent love my fiancé has showered on me.  Not to mention, my Facebook contains profiles of ex-boyfriends, previous-dates, and current suitors, some of whom have no qualms about poking me, or sending me a message that inadvertently reminisces about our history.  So did his, and surely if he'd spent as much time on his account as I did, I would feel insecure.  It took me a couple of months of resistance and seeking, and a couple of days of administration, but finally, and joyfully, our new, shared Facebook account was made (There currently isn't a way to transfer data between accounts) containing snippets of our lives together. 

So far, it's been great.  The level of disclosure and accountability we share from this simple act has added to the foundation we are trying to build for our marriage.  Sure, we do get a couple of comments from friends who protest that they don't know which one of us is posting, but that can be easily resolved by creating a group for your own friends and making posts visible to just them, so his friends don't have to deal with my endless status updates and self-shots, and my friends don't have to bother with his soccer news or events.  Other than that, we feel that the friends we have chosen to add to our new life together have been great and still use the messenger to contact us, even though it may be a private message.  

I know some people think it is a dumb idea and are convinced it is a sign that couples who do this don't trust each other, but it works for us.  After all, we are told to "put no confidence in the flesh" (Philippians 3: 1-11) and pulling out the "why don't you trust me" card is another way of saying "I can remain faithful on my own strength" and boast in that, leading to self-righteousness, and pride; both of which do nothing towards a loving, cleaving marriage.  Coming from a past ridden with double lives and secrecy, this shared Facebook is refreshing and lovely to me.  My friend list has gone from 850 to 88.  We have only trusted friends and supportive family on it so on one hand, I am more thoughtful about my language and candor, and on the other hand, less conscious about being well "liked" by the masses.

Here are quotes from some people who gave me the encouragement to pursue transparency and honesty in our marriage:

From Times Union

DEEEE says:

Facebook is becoming an issue in more and more marriages. Couples who are having struggles in their marriages, use FB to reach out to old flames instead of working on their own relationship. I have a friend who is a divorce attorney and says that FB comes up in about 50% of all divorce proceedings. FB is great for keeping in touch, but can be dangerous if not used for it’s intended purpose. I admire couples who have put safeguards into their marriage, not for reasons of trust, but because they both understand how tempting it can be to stray when stresses occur.

I work in divorce support. Probably 2/3 of divorcing people had their spouse rekindle and old flame from hig school or college via FB.. It’s best for those of you who want your private lives and secrets to avoid marriage. Private conversations with old lovers (or new) are a sure way to end up in the 50% who get divorced. Secrets like that make for a bad marriage. Just too tempting for most weak souls. The me me me me generation will most likely not register this comment.

Cynthia says:

My husband and I started sharing a Facebook account a few years ago when we both started getting old flames contacting us when we both had separate accounts. We decided that it would be best if we just shared one to avoid old flames causing trouble. We figured they would see we were committed and it would give us access to each others lives, even though we trust each other.  It’s been about 3 years now and it’s great! Some of my friends think it’s weird and get confused but we say, “that any friend of mine is a friend of his.”  Our friends can tell who is posting depending on the content. Now that we have done this we have about 4 others friends on FB who decided to share one as well!

And my favourite, from A Blog About Love 

Shiloh Donkin says: 

But a mental departure from our marriage is just as damaging as a physical departure, and if a mental departure goes unchecked, it almost always leads to a physical departure. Sadly, Andy and I know at least two couples personally that have lost their spouse because of a Facebook (or other internet venue) affair.

*****

If merging accounts sounds like an administrative nightmare, you can also consider this.

In the age of individualism and independence, I hope this, in some small way, can encourage us to honor our marriage above all else, even ourselves.

Jack Bauer

Today I will introduce you to the man who inspired me to pick up the pen and write again.

Let's call him Jack Bauer.

Jack and I met in unusual settings.  It was a hot summer's day in May, and I had my hair down, and my shorts short.  I was visiting my friend, Jude's mother who was in hospital with gout and was prepared to just zip in and out quickly, after passing her some orange carnations. Little did I expect to spend the rest of the day there, chatting with Jack.

He was in the bed opposite aunty Loe.  I noticed him because he had a brightly colored quilt over him, unlike the sterile white of regular hospital beds; brought from home, I assumed.  We caught eyes just before I disappeared behind the curtain to see aunty Loe, and I noticed the light brown of his irises and the sadness that exuded from them.  Later, when I had said my pleasantries to aunty Loe and explained to her patiently why I was still not married and why I couldn't possibly consider her son because he was not only an alcoholic, but also had the intelligence of a canuto, our eyes met again, but this time, they creased into a warm, but tired smile.  I smiled back, thinking to myself that he really should get a good sleep, and was just about to hurry off when he motioned to the Mac Book that was sitting on his lap.  It was a strange situation by anyone's standards.  What was he expecting form me?  But I'm a curious person by nature, and a friendly one too, so I walked towards his bed and promptly plonked my ass down on the chair next to him.

To my amusement, he presented to me his Facebook page and then clicked on his friends list and proceeded to scroll to Jude's profile.  What a small world I exclaimed, smiling brightly but thinking to myself - stalker!  The conversation carried on from there and I found out that he was childhood friends with Jude.  He asked if I was rushing off to anywhere, and I wasn't, so I sat and chatted with him.  He asked me what I was doing, and I told him about my job as a lecturer, teaching culture and communications.  I asked him what he was in for, and he told me about his week long gastritis brought about from working for the richest man in Singapore.  He told me how young I looked for a lecturer, and I told him how silly he was for letting something as boring as work affect his health.  He asked me if I would accompany him to the canteen for a drink, and I was caught by the kindness in his eyes.  In the canteen, he asked me where my favourite city was, and I explained to him of the 2 years I spent flying to New York, almost every other month for work, and how I loved it, but knew I had to stop when I got sick of flying there alone and walking the streets of Brooklyn by myself.  He told me of how he had been traveling since he was a teen, and spent most Christmases either in a plane or a foreign land.  He spoke very gently to me, and looked at me softly, listening to my words carefully before responding.  It was so nice being in his presence.

After I'd finished my drink, we walked to the elevator together and bade each other farewell.

And that was that.  Jack Bauer, the man with the sad eyes and the kind spirit who was suffering from gastritis.