Rust and Things

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I've been losing it  a bit too often this week.

I think it is a mix of hormones and having to make quick, varied and big decisions that's turning me into a nightmare.  I feel really sorry for Mr Bauer who has to put up with me and am leaning on his graciousness towards me and the grace of our Lord to forgive me.  

When they say "don't sweat the small stuff", they did not properly define "small" - and what used to be "small" stuff suddenly seems like the most important decisions we can make... what color to do the kitchen cabinet in, expensive stone top or cheaper True Form?  Which couch do we get - We will be looking at it for the next 10 years in our lives!  Which mattress to buy?  Do I judge my back by its ache now or do I judge it in 5 years time?  I feel so embarrassed with myself for stressing over something as superficial as aesthetics, but one thing I know I can't stand is a thoughtless home!  This is a real wake up call that despite constantly reminding myself not to, I am still building up treasures in earth!

Recently, Mr Bauer offered to buy me a bicycle so that I could cycle to school.  He always had a dream of being able to cycle to school, and I have many many fond memories of cycling around my neighborhood as a kid, so we were both very excited about it.  He told me to choose a bike I like and boy, I  must have spent at least 20 hours researching the difference between steel and alloy, and deciding between colors (damn colors!!) and wicker baskets.  I kept feeling like I had to make the best decision with our money, had to get the best bang for my buck, had to not get scammed, had to not have a bike that will break in 2 years, had to, had to, had to.  I asked myself - which will eventually give way to the dreaded rust?  The answer is steel apparently, but even with aluminum, the moderately priced bikes have mixed materials that it is not guaranteed rust-free.  And seriously, what am I even doing thinking that I can somehow beat the system and find a bicycle that can overcome the odds?  Everything we have will eventually decay.  

Everything will eventually be destroyed by rust and moth.  My lovely kitchen cabinets, that I've spent days and night thinking and rethinking about, my mattress that I chose after lying of more than 10 beds in 3 shops, my couch that I ok-ed only because Mr Bauer liked, even though it wasn't THE perfect one I envisioned.  And yes, even this bicycle I'm stressing about.

¹⁹ “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, ²⁰ but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  [Matthew 6:19-24]

Perhaps I'd better put my energy into enjoying this time of building our home with Mr Bauer.  I suspect it will bring a sweetness in years to come :)